


I Even Dream of You

by S_Horne



Series: ShHiatusBang Flash Bang Bingo Team Blue [13]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-27
Updated: 2018-04-27
Packaged: 2019-04-28 15:43:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14452446
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/S_Horne/pseuds/S_Horne
Summary: “Alexander Lightwood. You need to–”“Magnus,” Alec barked suddenly, “Stop! I can’t; this needs to be–”“Magnus?”Alec’s head snapped up at the hesitant feminine voice and he startled back to reality as though a bucket of iced water had been thrown over him. It wasn’t Magnus. Of course it wasn’t him./Bingo Square:Sleep deprivation/exhaustion





	I Even Dream of You

**Author's Note:**

> This is suggestive and angsty. No mentioned MCD, but can be read as such.

Alec was working at his desk, his back aching from his hunched over position and his eyes straining with the effort to keep them open. He ignored the way that the words of his paperwork swam and battled through his headache. As his head dropped and his eyes stayed closed on a blink, a hand landed on his shoulder and he jolted upright once more.

“Alec, please,” said a voice from behind him, but Alec didn’t turn to look at who it was even as they carried on talking, “Go to bed.”

Alec shrugged the hand off of him and shook his head, “No,” he said simply and forced his eyes open wide.

“You need to sleep.”

“No, I don’t,” he argued with the voice for a second time as he scrunched his eyes shut and rubbed at his forehead as though that would make his headache go away, “I have too much to do.”

“Darling, _please_ go to sleep. This can all wait until another day. You’re exhausted.”

“This needs to be done. There’s the lawyer to call and the landlord. I need…”

“Alexander Lightwood. You need to–”

“Magnus,” Alec barked suddenly, “Stop! I can’t; this needs to be–”

“Magnus?”

Alec’s head snapped up at the hesitant feminine voice and he startled back to reality as though a bucket of iced water had been thrown over him. It wasn’t Magnus. Of course it wasn’t him.

“Alec–”

“No.” Alec cut over his sister’s words with a tone of steel as he pushed himself away from his desk and stood up straight. He towered over his sister even as his shoulders slumped and his back was bent, the posture of a broken man. Alec wouldn’t meet her eyes; he didn’t want to see the same concerned look that had been directed his way for the past however many days. He ignored the hand that hovered in mid-air halfway towards him and instead turned to his desk to occupy himself as he stuttered out an explanation. “I didn’t mean, I know – of course I know you weren’t… It was nothing – I’m just tired. That’s all. I just need to sleep.”

“Alec–”

Once again, Alec ignored his sister and brushed past her to leave his study. Anger burnt inside of him, betrayal and hurt and shame all crawling up his spine. He _knew;_ of course he knew. He didn’t need their damn pity.

He marched straight down the corridor to their, no, _his_ bedroom and slammed the door with such a ferocity that the picture frames on the walls fell off and crashed to the floor.  _Good,_ he thought to himself viciously, let the apartment reflect how its owner felt inside. He deflated after a moment and felt tears burning in the back of his eyes. How the hell was he meant to do this? How could anyone expect him to –

Alec took a deep breath before he collapsed onto the bed. It was cold and uncomfortable, words that he would never have used to describe the bed that they had so-lovingly picked out together and spent a wonderful few days christening.

He was just tired. That’s all it was. He would wake up tomorrow and everything would be fine once more. He could do this, of course he could. Just taking it one day at a time and he would be fine. As Alec drifted off into a much-needed but restless sleep, he subconsciously reached out for a body that wasn’t there. A body that would never be there again.


End file.
